JESUS CARES FOR YOU

I Am the good shepherd; and. I know My sheep, and am known by My own. - John 10:14

The Lord is not just our shepherd, He is our Father. He is not a hired labourer who has been given the task to watch over the sheep of another. He is both the Creator and owner of His sheep.

The Shepherd knows His sheep. He has intimate knowledge of all His sheep. He knows us by name. He knows our personalities.

He knows our strengths and weaknesses. He knows our dreams. He knows our fears. He knows us so much that He can read our innermost thoughts even before we construct them into ideas. Nothing about us escapes His attention.

Not only does He know our natures, but He knows our needs. Don't forget that the Lord Jesus knows what it is like to be human.

He knows what It is like to face the limitations of humanity because He lived amongst us and experienced what we experience. He knows what it is like to feel the pressure of temptation. He knows what it is like to experience loneliness, sorrow and joy.

Today, you can come to Him with all your concerns and pour out your heart to Him in prayer. He is ready to help and guide you. He is more powerful than your enemies so you can trust Him to deliver you from the hands of those which seek to bring you down and destroy your life.

Your Good Shepherd cares about you.He knows what it is like to be a sheep. And He knows what you are going through. He wants you to trust Him today with your worries. He wants to deliver you and fill your heart with joy and peace.

Prayer: I come to You Lord, with my burdens; deliver me and give me Your joy and peace.

Scriptural Reading: John 10:7-21

Relationship: Where Are the Christian Men?

She was a single Christian friend (totally just friends), venting her frustration about immature men. It was casual, because that kind of venting is common. It was over coffee. It cut deep.

"Christian men . . . ugh."

As a male Christian college student with no wife, no steady job, and no financial independence, I squirmed with unease and insecurity. She wasn't attacking me; just issuing a general complaint to the universe. The words effortlessly flowed out of her mouth like she had said them a million times before, and I wasn't prepared for the adjectives that would be slung in the conversation: "Immature." "Childish." "Lazy." "Weak." "Pathetic." Wait for it . . . "Man-Boys."

At a level, the tone we use to speak about young Christian men today would be self-evidently disrespectful in another context. And to state the obvious, it cuts the deepest when coming from our single female counterparts. There are a slew of legitimate reasons why a single Christian woman would be tempted to rag on immature men. (1) Secular women offer a pre-packaged and intuitive man-boy bashing liturgy. (2) She (or a friend) dated a guy, got burned, and reinterpreted him through the lens of hurt as a "man-boy." (3) Taking jabs at immature men is a fun and easy way to sequester the chilling reality of singleness.

It's understandable, but can I please say this? It's not okay. The term "man-boy" (sometimes "man-child," "baby-man," etc.) is a slur. It is used to personally demean and debase a class of Christians. It is a put-down. It expresses contempt and exhibits haughtiness. And, worst of all, it defines the value of humans in God's image according to their gender performance.

The Problem Is Not Laziness

"But," you say, "there are a lot of Christian men who exhibit disappointing behaviors." This is true, but I'm not convinced categories like sinfulness or laziness, common explanations, properly capture the issue. Perhaps laziness points beyond itself — maybe it is symptomatic of a more systemic problem. Let's interpret the classic "man-boy" behaviors through a lens other than laziness:

   Delaying marriage can help: avoid shared physical, emotional, and spiritual space, and retreat into personal space.

   Neglecting the Bible and church can help: avoid divine intimacy, and retreat into personal life.

   Floating without ambition can help: avoid work hours, and retreat into personal time.

   Playing video games chronically can help: avoid external reality, and retreat into virtual reality.

   Living at home can help: avoid external pressures, and retreat into internal comforts.

Modern-Day Fig Leaves

"Lazy" is a surface-level description. "Avoid" moves us toward an explanation of the heart. Scripture tells us that the heart is always active (Genesis 6:5;Deuteronomy 11:6; Jeremiah 17:5, 9; 1 Peter1:22), so our description of the heart should always be in the active voice (I'm not saying avoidance is the problem, but it helps us get a bit deeper than the laziness concept).

"Avoid" is a door to a slew of other active words and a host of other realities of the heart: fear ("What if I fail?"), anxiety ("I can't handle this!"), depression ("I hate myself/life"), feelings of insufficiency ("I am not enough"), self-deprecation ("I am stupid/dirty/undesirable"), shame ("God and neighbor are disgusted with me"), and a thousand more. "I would rather escape than publicly be put to shame" (cf. Rev. 6:16).

These categories give us a new perspective. "Man-boys" aren't first and foremost struggling with being men, but with being human. Singleness, solitude, laziness, video games and Mom's house are modern-day fig leaves—self-made coverings for men who are stripped of competence and deeply ashamed of their inability to engage with the realities of life because of their experience with the Oppressor (Is. 14:4), who seeks to spread confusion and chaos among God's people (John 8:44; 2 John 7; Rev. 12:10).

The Solution Is Not 'Try Harder'

The need of the day is not for the church of Jesus Christ to rip away the leaves but to start clothing them with the God-made garment of the gospel (Gen. 3:21). The solution to immaturity among young Christian guys is not remembering truths or tightening regulations, but a Person who did not avoid our realities but rushed into them for our sake: Jesus (Luke 2:52; Phil. 2:6-9)—Jesus, with his intercession, charity and grace.

Surely women aren't to blame for male immaturity or responsible for changing men. But what can single Christian women do about this phenomenon of immaturity—for their brothers in Christ—besides vent and name-call (Matt. 18:15; 1 John 3:14)? Here are some ways that they can help:

1. Intercessory Prayer

Pray for more fathers to take seriously their role to teach their children how to engage the world and not avoid it. Pray for men in general to do the same for guys without fathers. Pray for men to change, not merely at a behavioral level, but at a heart level—to move toward God and neighbor in the midst of indwelling sin and external oppression (Luke 10:27).

2. Charity

Speak well of others (Eph. 4:31). Treat the immaturity of young men the same way you would treat any other issue in the church: with diligence, faithfulness and love—the very same traits Paul includes in his imperative to "be men" (1 Cor. 16:13-14). This means that women are not reacting with cynicism or using the term "man-boy" (Eph. 4:29).

3. Faith

God is disciplining immature men to grow them up (Heb.12:11). He doesn't need your snide comments to help (Prov. 11:12). Trust that God has not abandoned men to immaturity, but is finishing the work that he began (Phil. 1:6).

4. Grace

All temptation is common to humankind (1 Cor. 10:13). The fear that exists in a man's heart may manifest itself in different (gender-specific) ways in your life. No matter whom you date, he will be a sinful man (Rom. 3:23) who is immature and afraid, and if he is a Christian, God is overcoming evil that is against him and in him (Phil. 2:13; Rom. 16:20). I'm not saying Jesus wants you to date a loser. He doesn't. All I'm saying is this: Don't just date a gospel-centered Christian; date like a gospel-centered Christian (1 Pet. 4:8).

Philosopher Søren Kierkegaard said that nature has affectionately equipped women "with an instinct so sensitive that by comparison the most superior masculine reflection is as nothing" (Sickness Unto Death, XI, 162). Sisters, prove Kierkegaard right. Outdo us in prayer, charity, faith and grace, and we men will try to outdo you in godly discipline and ambition. Then, perhaps mutual awe of the One "who helps us in our weakness" will bloom in due course (Rom. 8:26).

Source: charismamag.com &original article here: http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/talking-about-man-boys

Biblical Answer to Broken Relationships

Marian Evans, who wrote under the pen name George Eliot, described the beauty of friendship: "Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words but to pour them all out together, knowing that a faithful friend will take and sift them, keeping what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away."

David had a friend like that, but something terrible happened. The friend turned against him. Psalm 55 pours out of David's heart as he struggles with the unbearable emotional pain of abandonment, betrayal, disillusionment and disbelief.

Internal nightmare

David begins with a plea for God to listen (v. 1). The "listen" is punctuated by urgency: "Do not ignore my plea; hear me and answer me" (vv. 1,2). Did David fear God would be as insensitive as the departed friend?

Quickly, David summarizes his deep depression (vv. 3,4) and poignantly notes the horrible physiological and psychological trauma he experiences: "Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me" (v. 5).

Emotions like this never arise with the loss of a casual acquaintance. Such wounds can only be made by someone close to you. Who has left you that you loved? The excruciating present feelings far surpass the former comfort in friendship.

You now long for escape from the hurt but can't find anywhere to run. "Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. ... far from the tempest and storm" (vv. 6–8).

External danger

Some breakups in close relationships are not accompanied by the external dangers confronting David in this psalm: violence, strife, malice, abuse, threats and lies. However, such terms do describe the devil's assault: "Destructive forces are at work" (v. 11).

The enemy's deeds are never constructive. He is interested only in our defeat.

Unendurable loss

A grieving divorcée asked for prayer: "I just can't bear the pain. My husband, my closest friend, told me he had to leave me because he was gay. I never saw it coming. We had such a caring relationship. I don't know if I have the strength to go on living."

The betrayal of a spouse, a friend, a relative, a close companion is very hard to take. David speaks for all who have been so wounded when he laments, "If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. But it is you ... my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship" (vv. 12-14).

Intensifying the pain is the remembrance that the "sweet fellowship" had included spiritual togetherness ("as we walked with the throng at the house of God" (v. 14). He never expected the companion who loved God with him to turn against him.

Anger vented

A husband, whose wife had left him for another man, admitted, "It was all I could do to restrain myself from going to her new home in the middle of the night and torching it with her and her lover in it."

David is no stranger to those emotions. He wishes the worst to happen to the one who hurt him—sudden death or being buried alive.

The Psalms continually illustrate how to deal with anger when we are hurt by others. The Lord gives permission to express that anger to Him, but it is not acceptable for us to act on the anger. Maturity in Christ takes us along an even higher and more difficult path: forgiveness and overcoming evil with good.

One dependable Friend

Other persons may disappoint us. God won't (vv. 16-19). His action is always consistent with His speech. We can rely upon the Lord; therefore, David closes this psalm with a word of advice—picked up by Peter in the New Testament: "Cast your cares on the Lord" (v. 22; 1 Pet. 5:7).

It's hard. I want to solve my own problems so I can get the solutions I desire. Prayer makes me desire His solutions.

Is a broken relationship with a close companion plunging you into the emotional fight of your life? God must be involved. Put the matter in His hands.

We began the psalm by demanding God's immediate attention, and after a season of struggle in prayer, quietly relinquish our situation into the Lord's care, "But as for me, I trust in you" (v. 23).

Source: George O. Wood

You Have What It Takes To The Top

1. Start spending time with the right people. – These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy living, career development, education etc. They also share God’s Word with you.

2. Start facing your problems head on. – It isn't your problems that define you, but how you react to them and recover from them.

Problems will not disappear unless you take action. Do what you can, when you can, and acknowledge what you've done. It’s all about taking baby steps in the right direction, inch by inch. These inches count, they add up to yards and miles in the long run.

3. Start being honest with yourself about everything. – Be honest about what’s right, as well as what needs to be changed. Be honest about what you want to achieve and who you want to become. Be honest with every aspect of your life, always.

4. Start being yourself, genuinely and proudly. – Trying to be anyone else is a waste of the person you are. Be yourself. Be the person you know yourself to be – the best version of you.

5. Start valuing the lessons your mistakes teach you. – Mistakes are okay; they’re the stepping stones of progress. If you’re not failing from time to time, you’re not trying hard enough and you’re not learning.

Take risks, stumble, fall, and then get up and try again. Appreciate that you are pushing yourself, learning, growing and improving.

Significant achievements are almost invariably realized at the end of a long road of failures. One of the ‘mistakes’ you fear might just be the link to your greatest achievement yet.

6. Start being more polite to yourself. – If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend? The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others. You must love who you are or no one else will.

7. Start creating your own happiness. – If you are waiting for someone else to make you happy, you’re missing out. Smile because you can. Choose happiness. Be the change you want to see in the world.

Be happy with who you are now, and let your positivity inspire your journey into tomorrow. Happiness is often found when and where you decide to seek it.

If you look for happiness within the opportunities you have, you will eventually find it. But if you constantly look for something else, unfortunately, you’ll find that too.

8. Start giving your ideas and dreams a chance. – In life, it’s rarely about getting a chance; it’s about taking a chance. You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work. Trust God to lead you to the right people at the right location and at the right time.

9. Start believing that you’re ready for the next step. – You are ready! Think about it. You have everything you need right now to take the next small, realistic step forward. So embrace the opportunities that come your way, and accept the challenges – they’re gifts that will help you to grow.

10. Start entering new relationships for the right reasons. – Enter new relationships with dependable, honest people who reflect the person you are and the person you want to be.

Choose friends you are proud to know, people you admire, who show you love and respect – people who reciprocate your kindness and commitment. And pay attention to what people do, because a person’s actions are much more important than their words or how others represent them.

World Health Organisation(who)to declare Nigeria Ebola-free today

The World Health Organisation is preparing to announce that Nigeria has not had a confirmed case of Ebola for 42 days – or two incubation periods of 21 days – just as it did for Senegal on Friday.

WHO on Friday declared Senegal free of Ebola after 42 days passed without a new confirmed case.

“WHO officially declares the Ebola outbreak in Senegal over and commends the country on its diligence to end the transmission of the virus,” the UN health agency had said in a statement.

The benchmark of 42 days is twice the maximum incubation period for the disease.

A similar WHO statement on Nigeria is expected on Monday (today) after the requisite period without a new infection.

Prayer for new week

For every thing lost, there shall be unusual discovery. God is replacing your ashes with His beauty.

The years that the locusts have eaten shall be restored. You will recover all in Jesus name.

Whatever you lay your hands on shall prosper, anyone you touch most surely be blessed because you are a blessing. 

Good morning and have blessed week. God will send you help from far and near. You will not be stranded, neither will your foot slip. Against all odds, you are going forward in Jesus name.J

Happy New Week from us ASB-World. 

Aim to break your own personal records, go for the BEST

* Start giving new people you meet a chance. – It sounds harsh, but you cannot keep every friend you’ve ever made. People and priorities change. As some relationships fade others will grow. Appreciate the possibility of new relationships as you naturally let go of old ones that no longer work.

Trust your judgment. Embrace new relationships, knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory.

Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever.

* Start competing against an earlier version of yourself. – Be inspired by others, appreciate others, learn from others, but know that competing against them is a waste of time. You are in competition with one person and one person only – yourself. You are competing to be the best you can be. Aim to break your own personal records.

* Start cheering for other people’s victories. – Start rejoicing about other people’s victories. Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places. So be happy for those who are making progress. Cheer for their victories. Be thankful for their blessings, openly. What goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you.

* Start looking for the silver lining in tough situations. – When things are hard, and you feel down, take a few deep breaths and look for the silver lining – the small glimmers of hope. Remind yourself that you can and will grow stronger from these hard times. Focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t. Surrender everything to God. Count on Him to see you through those moments.

* Start forgiving yourself and others. – We've all been hurt by our own decisions and by others. And while the pain of these experiences is normal, sometimes it lingers for too long. We relive the pain over and over and have a hard time letting go. Forgiveness is the remedy. It doesn't mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.

* Start helping those around you. – Care about people. Guide them if you know a better way. The more you help others, the more they will want to help you. Love and kindness begets love and kindness. And so on and so forth. Have the spirit of empathy. Love your neighbor as yourself as our Lord Jesus Christ admonished us.

*Start being attentive to your stress level and take short breaks.– Slow down. Breathe. Give yourself permission to pause, regroup and move forward with clarity and purpose. When you’re at your busiest, a brief recess can rejuvenate your mind and increase your productivity. These short breaks will help you regain your sanity and reflect on your recent actions so you can be sure they’re in line with your goals.

GOD IS A COVENANT KEEPER

After these things, the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision, saying, "Do not be afraid, Abram. I Am Your shield, Your exceedingly great reward." - Genesis 15:1

God made this promise to Abram after he emerged victorious from a great battle. He came out of the battle with great spoils and was met by Melchizedek, a High Priest of the Most High God. 

In appreciation for God's protection in the battle and the subsequent victory, Abram tithed a tenth of all the income from the spoils of battle to Melchizedek.
As a response to His offering, God appeared to Abram and affirmed His promises to him.

I Am Your Shield: That referred to protection in time of battle. In the days of Abram, people fought constant battles both to acquire property and to defend their property and so protection was crucial.

As a result, people formed alliances with stronger individuals whom they called upon for help.

God entered into battle alliance with Abram and joined Himself to Abram's army.

I Am Your Exceedingly Great Reward: God promised Abram He would fight not only in his army but would also reward his work. He did not promise just a reward but exceeding great reward.These are all blessings associated with entering into a covenant of tithing with God.

When we tithe, Jehovah becomes our partner in battle. In these days, we do not fight with literal swords and shields, neither do we as individuals battle with nations but the principle is the same.

Whatever battle you fight, God becomes your shield and rewards your efforts exceedingly when you covenant with Him through the tithe.

Prayer: Lord, as I honour You with the tithe, I receive my full covenant blessings in Jesus' name.

Scriptural Reading: Genesis 15:1-21

THE WORD WORKS But Empty words don't do much hmmmm!

Empty words don't do much. Even God the creator of heaven and earth watches over His words to bring it to pass.

So many of us have been taught the power of POSITIVE CONFESSION.....when we confess and confess and profess and confess again and yes as though nothing is happening, before you know it....I know becomes , I think, then I think becomes maybe, then Maybe becomes I thought and then we go back to level zero.

I wonder how many times we start a a warfare and we back out of the war before we have the chance to celebrate and declare victory?

A story , out of many , in the bible teaches about persistence in the place of prayers.

Elijah....the man who defied kings and authorities...backed up by the word of God..He could confront anyone, anyone at all...even an army!
Elijah spoke to Ahab.....he told the king that rain was coming. Then he went to work! He said to the king...I hear the rains coming......he proclaimed. He declared it .....the kind heard him and took what he said to heart .....but still there was no actualization just yet!

Here is the story!
Elijah said to Ahab, "Up on your feet! Eat and drink celebrate! Rain is on the way; I hear it coming." Ahab did it: got up and ate and drank.
Meanwhile, Elijah climbed to the top of Camel, bowed deeply in prayer, his face between his knees.
Then he said to his young servant, "On your feet now! Look toward the sea." He went, looked, and reported back, "I don't see a thing." "
Keep looking," said Elijah, "seven times if necessary."
And sure enough, the seventh time he said,
"Oh yes, a cloud! But very small, no bigger than someone's hand, rising out of the sea." "Quickly then, on your way. Tell Ahab, 'Saddle up and get down from the mountain before the rain stops you.'"
Things happened fast. The sky grew black with wind-driven clouds, and then a huge cloudburst of rain, with Ahab hightailing it in his chariot for Jezreel. And God strengthened Elijah mightily. Pulling up his robe and tying it around his waist, Elijah ran in front of Ahab's chariot until they reached Jezreel. (1 Kings 18:41-46 MSG)

After Elijah declared, he went unto the mountain and prayed earnestly.....after you have released your words...are you watering it or just watching it. Empty words not backed up by power and prayer ....get blown away so easily!
They are weightless!

A lot of empty words are flowing about in the spiritual waiting for action to back them up. For serious prayers to give them wings.
Some people will type prayers and post them , some other will be typing amen , if answers were that cheap no one will have a problem in this life.....NOTHING COMES FOR FREE...If the prophets of old had to chase it up, you don't think that going from one website/ group to another and typing amen on every prayers will give an answer..do you? ...naaaaaaahhhhhhh
..YOU NEED TO GIVE SOMETHING TO GET SOMETHING....even spiritually, nothing is free...the salvation that we claim is free today, someone paid for it..with their life!

Start by giving good prayer backing to all the amen you type, otherwise, it's a waste of Internet bandwidth!!!

He kept sending the servant...GO AND LOOK....WHILST HE PRAYED THROUGH.

If he did it and got result....you can.
Whilst he prayed, he watched for results! It was obvious to everyone, imagine the poor servant, he must have thought that the master had finally lost his mind! UNTIL.....BOOMMMMM....HE SAW THE CLOUD.....as small as the hand of a man.....it was......it was something....the beginning of a downpour...looked like the hand of a man...to the ordinary eye, it's a common cloud. To the rating Elijah....that s the downpour he requested from God! When you are waiting and expectant, it's easy to know....

The bible says things happened fast!

Your persistence will give speed to the materialization of your desire....even the devil knows that he dare not stand in the way of someone who , armed with the truth of the word of God...has a reckless persistent faith!

Don't talk empty talk. Pray a heart wrenching prayer!
Jesus paid for it, you got to get up and get it .....

Keep going, until you get what you want.

Hannah went to Shiloh year after year. The more she went, the more she got mocked by her adversary.

The more she got mocked, the more weary and discouraged she became. But you know what. ...she was bent on going again and again until her change came....

God is not tired of hearing you talk to Him...go on.....back up your positive confession with word-based prayers. Results are inevitable. THE WORD WORKS.

By sis Bola

Prayer For New Week

You are blessed in your going out and coming in, God is breaking asunder every gates of wickedness, sickness, hardship, oppression and afflictions holding your life back. The Lord shall transform and restore your destiny! Where others have dug empty wells you will find water In Jesus Name.  

I decree that every area of your life will move forward In Jesus name! Regardless of any obstacle in your way, because God has said it, as you move forward your obstacles have no choice but to give way! Expect favour and miracles today J

Happy New Week from us ASB-World.

Just One Big Fight Doesn’t Mean the End of Your Marriage

How many times have you been involved in a fight with your wife, left the situation unresolved and

felt like the easiest thing to do would be to end the marriage? Get where I am going?

Here are a few of my typical thoughts I used to have immediately after a dispute with my wife:

"Why do I put up with this time and again?"

"Divorce would put a quick end to all of this stuff."

"There has to be an easier way than this."

Just because these are my typical first thoughts, it doesn't mean they need to be the first course of action I take after the fight. Never forget that we have an enemy and he lurks daily in our marriage (1 Peter 5:8).

So, let me share what I use to do and what I now do. If you're with me so far, then you might want to keep reading.

Before our wedding day, we didn't receive a whole lot of training for our marriage. We did have to go through some marriage counseling, but I'm pretty sure my ears were turned off half of the time. Blame it on my age and immaturity. I mean, I had been through verbal disputes with family growing up and with other people throughout my years. How hard could solving disputes in marriage really be?

They were much harder than I thought. And when disputes did come up, I was typically left standing in an empty field that smelled like a freshly loaded dumpster. I was completely oblivious as to what I needed to do, how to handle the conversations and how to seek a resolution. This didn't make for a great start to marriage, and for those of you who read Manturity often, you know what I'm talking about.

So here are a few ways I handled disputes with my wife early in marriage and some ways I've seen other men handle their issues. If you can relate or have your own old ways, please share them after the article in the comments.

• Shutdown and want to leave her
• Shutdown and wait for her to speak up
• Shutdown and seek attention elsewhere

Leave Her
Leaving her was typically the first thing that would come to mind after a tough verbal dispute. It didn't matter what the issue was or what was being discussed, I just felt like being on my own and away from her would be the best option. If we couldn't work it out, I would want to at least just leave the house. Go somewhere! Anywhere! I was never sure what to do or where to go, but I don't think it ever really mattered.

Shutting down and leaving your wife after a tough dispute is never the right answer.

Wait for Her to Speak Up
Again, it didn't matter what the issue was or about, I would assume it was up to her to bring it back up and apologize. I would typically give her the silent treatment until she decided to realize how wrong or disrespectful she had been to me. It never occurred to me during this earlier years that it was my responsibility to take the lead and seek the resolution.

Shutting down and waiting for your wife to speak up first does not show leadership in your role as leader and husband.

Seek Attention Elsewhere
Porn, masturbation and seeking another woman all sounds pretty extreme until you are shutdown due to a tough marital dispute with your wife. Quite frankly, these three are the most damaging activities a husband can engage in after a fight.

Porn happens because during the ongoing dispute, a man knows he won't be having sex anytime soon. He defaults to fantasy and suffers greatly from it. Masturbation happens for similar reasons. Again, sex and pleasure are most likely out of the question, so he takes matters into his own hands.

And finally, husbands who are shutdown are suddenly open to the idea of maybe another woman is the best option. Maybe a co-worker or a neighborhood friend can be a better fit for you? This isn't the answer and you'll destroy everything you've built with the woman you vowed your life too very quickly.

Shutting down and seeking attention from another source will only bring you pain and despair.

So what is the answer? How can a fight with your wife not lead you to one of the three areas mentioned above?

Here are the top ways I seek resolution after a dispute in my marriage these days:

Stop and Pray
That's right, no matter what the situation is now or no matter how mad I get at the fight, I turn to Jesus first. Now, it's not going to sound like a sweet lullaby or a quiet prayer, instead I typically start with these questions. Why God? Why is this happening in my marriage right now? What do you want me to do or how do you want me to react?

Father, show me how I can be a good husband and leader through this situation. These are just a few things, but you get the idea. So the next time you and your wife are going at it, stop and pray. Either pray with her or pray alone, but talk to God first. And stay there as long as you need.

Seek Resolution
In the past, our marriage issues could go on for days, even months! I'm sure you can relate to that timeline and agree that there is nothing fun about that time. I now try to seek resolution quickly. For example, my wife and I were at a baby skills class before our little dude was born and something happened to where she embarrassed me in front of everyone in the class. Granted, I didn't know anyone, but it still crushed my spirit. I gave her the look of "what did you just do", and went on with the class.

Afterward, I had a choice to make. I could either let the issue sit for days or I could bring it up in a loving way to her. Well, I swallowed what little pride I had left and spoke in a very soft tone. I mentioned that I didn't appreciate the way she treated me in the class and was very embarrassed. I told her that I was trying my best and didn't feel like I deserved that kind of treatment. Because I addressed it quickly and in a loving way, she was able to understand my side of things and we agreed to work on it in the future. That was the end of it.

I understand that there are many types of issues and mistakes that can be made in marriage, but I encourage you to not give up on your spouse or your marriage, and especially your children. Prayer must be your first priority. Accountability with another man or your Pastor could be another option. But please, don't default to one of the top three scenarios mentioned above.

Are you struggling in your marriage? Let's talk about it and seek a resolution.

Have you overcome big disputes in your marriage? Share your tips and ideas with the community!

Manturity